Monday, October 3, 2011

Selfish shellfish.

Read Jeff Goins post of Compassion.
On Saturday, my mom rallied two of her semi-willing daughters into helping with an all day cooking project. We slaved away in the kitchen for six hours, dicing, chopping, slicing and squeezing all kinds of ingredients into soups, casseroles and more. The smell of stewing meat and veggies warmed the kitchen and clung to my apron, the first day of October was greeted with baking chicken and Chile Verde. 

Why you ask? Me sister-in-law is home from the hospital with her two little miracles. We are still praying for Bryce's pumping heart, praying that the defect might be minuscule and quick to heal. My mom wanted to make the transition as easy as possible for the new family, so we planned out their next ten meals. 

Do you want to know the thoughts running through me head all day? 
Man, I am an excellent servant. 

Fast-forward twelve hours;. I was planning a bike ride to the Modern with a friend from church, and ready to relax and celebrate the sudden dive into brisk fall mornings. The house phone rang with an urgent pleading which my mother answered, I heard the dejected tone in her voice as she listened to my Grandmother asking for help after a night of "sick".

Without hesitation, my mom put on her gloves and moved to the door with my younger sister in-tow. I stood rooted to the floor, gazing after them in complete defiance, knowing there was nothing in my legs that would carry me towards the impending doom.

All I could think about was how selfish my heart is, I would cook all day reveling in my personal sacrifice and refuse to help my grandmother on grounds of a weak stomach. Picking and choosing our discomfort has no merit.

C.S. Lewis once wrote: “Christ says, ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. … Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked—the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.’"