The Mask

Note: I wrote the following last spring during my backpacking trip in Europe. Read more HERE. Funny how the same anxieties follow me to Fort Worth. 

I will tell you more about Prague, 

But yesterday I was sitting in a YWAM prayer time with Laken and Treg. We were all praying for the ministry of Pick-A-Pocket. As I was praying I began to think about my time in Prague vs. Taize.

Such contrasting experiences 

I saw the reverent, prayerful side of Krisi. And the cowering, cautious version of myself.

I was hit with a Derek Zoolander-esk state of "who am I?"

I have donned so many masks that I cannot even tell you what lies beneath them all. 

To my Christian brothers and sisters I will appear authentic and outgoing. 

To the world of young travelers I am a fellow pursuer of pleasure, constantly reserved. 

In my home I will skirt around my interests to protect the convictions of others.

In the business world I will pursue networking and self-advancement.

In NGO's I will be a pioneer against injustice.

Where ever you are, who ever you are, I will find a way to belong; to connect; to be well liked.

At the end of it all:

I am a little girl who cries in train stations when there are no seats.

I am a passionate lover of french cheese.

I am an often naive, seeker of male affection.

I am afraid of rejection and cower at displeasing others.

I have not yet learned to love my sister as I should.

I enjoy beauty, conversation and connection.

I become frustrated when I cannot break down the walls others hide behind.

I am a Christian who is distastefully crippled and struggling to create agenda-less friendships

with those who do not share my faith.

And I am tired. 

Ready to tear off the mask.